Early in my grief journey I came across Tom Zuba’s Facebook page. I had joined or been added to many pages (most of which I no longer follow) but there was something different about his page and the people (the tribe) there. There was a feeling of hope but also room (permission) to mourn in the way that I needed to in order to begin processing Richard’s death and healing my broken heart. The group was accepting and one of my new friends (Jeanne) graciously mailed me Tom’s books. At first I skipped around and read the topics that I felt I needed to read. Then I read them cover to cover. From there I have used Tom’s book as one of the guides in my daily journaling. I reread a chapter (the chapters are short) a day and respond to it. It is amazing how over time, my responses have changed. I honestly know that reading Tom’s books changed the trajectory of how I approached grief early on. In December I participated in one of Tom’s online groups that was focused on preparing for the holidays. I have used what I learned in this group when important dates, holidays, etc. are approaching. I have found that if I have a plan, then I can “enjoy” and be present in the day. Next I participated in Permission to Mourn – Module 1 with Tom and a group. We took a deep dive into the first seven chapters of his first book. I am looking forward to the day when Tom does a new group (maybe it will be in person when Covid subsides). I have sent Tom’s books to many people who are grieving because I want to help others understand that there is a new/different way to grieve; a way that slowly leads to healing. I have learned many things from Tom and his groups/books and I will share them over time on this blog. Today I want to share an important concept that I’ve learned and embraced: “we can experience many feelings at the same time.” Our feelings and emotions (even if they seem to be in conflict) can live side by side. For example, I can be sad and joyful at the same time. I can miss Richard’s physical presence but be excited and joyful to spend time with friends and family. This has been liberating. It is okay and even healing to let all of these feelings and emotions flow through you. I will definitely share more about other things I’ve learned from Tom, the tribe, and his books in the future. If you are dealing with the death of a loved one and need to find a new way to do grief, I would highly recommend both of these books.