Before Christmas last year, I participated in an online group that focused on preparing for the holidays. We were encouraged to create a plan for the upcoming days; a plan that would honor and include our deceased loved one. That was our first Christmas without Richard’s physical presence. We chose to create a few new traditions (we made homemade pizzas), honor long held traditions (Christmas Eve service – although it was online due to Covid), and to enjoy each other’s company while finding ways to include him.

We are coming up on one year since Richard’s death (October 17) so we’ve been through most of the “first” birthdays, holidays, etc.

I’ve tried my best to incorporate what I learned in my group including being intentional in creating a plan for each special or important day. This has alleviated some of the anticipatory dread and has definitely made each of these days less sad and even joyful.

I have also chosen to say no to lots of situations or invites. If something didn’t feel right or I thought it would make me sad or feel worse, I said no. I have found it to be important to follow my gut and to understand that it is okay to set boundaries.

We will be taking our first family beach vacation without him soon. I’m struggling a little bit with preparing my mind for this one. But I know he would want us to carry on with our family traditions, while at the same time creating new traditions and memories. We will share memories/funny stories of when he was physically there with us. We will make new memories. One of the paradoxes of grief and life is that it isn’t all or nothing. Emotions such as joy and sadness can exist together/side by side.

Readers, as you approach the upcoming months with various holidays and/or other meaningful dates, I hope you will look for and find peace and bits of joy, love, and light. I hope you will find ways to include your loved one(s) and most of all that you will give yourself grace and love while maneuvering through these days.