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By Gary Sturgis – “Surviving Grief ”

Joy

My spouse and I used to talk about who would die first.

(We actually joked about it.)

It was a weird thing to do, but we just figured we had our entire lives ahead of us. Even though we talked about it…we never really thought it would actually happen. It was only something that happened to other people…not to us.

If it did inevitably happen…it would be much later in life.

We finally compromised and decided that if we couldn’t die at the same exact time in our sleep as we planned, then I would have to go first. I was the one that was taken care of and pampered. I could never go it alone.

But I didn’t die first.

Here’s the thing…no one can prepare you for becoming a widow or widower. It’s one of the most difficult losses you can endure.

Losing your spouse means the loss of the future you planned together. The loss of intimacy. The loss of income. The loss of security. The loss of health. The loss of your social circle. The loss of your best friend and confidant.

There isn’t a single part of your life that’s untouched by the loss of your spouse.

But as time marches on you find your way from grief to healing. You learn to find joy, while living with grief.

It’s hard to see that in the beginning when the loss feels so dark and raw. When you first feel joy, you also feel guilty for laughing or being happy when your spouse is no longer able to laugh or be happy.

But the joy will eventually come and that doesn’t mean the grief goes away…it just means you’ve learned to balance both.

You’ve learned to expand yourself to a point where you’ll feel more than you thought possible. You’ve learned how fragile life is and that creates a sense of urgency to live.

Carrying grief gives you a perspective on life that others who have yet to experience such a loss will ever understand.

Grief is hard…but you’ll find your strength and joy again.