If you’ve lost a spouse…I feel your pain. The road you’re traveling is full of potholes and it’s long.

The first year for me was all about navigating life alone. The second year was trying to learn how to redefine and recreate a purposeful and meaningful life for myself.

It was about living single.

I was a part of a couple for 20 years. I loved being married. I loved being a husband. I loved all the great and small things about being a ‘team’. Then, all of a sudden, it was down to me, myself, and I.

I felt cheated that we weren’t given the chance to grow old together. We were happy…and that didn’t seem fair…not by a long shot. I wanted more time….but that isn’t the life that was given to me.

So I had to figure out how to be happy again…on my own.

I had to learn all about living single. I had to learn new social skills. I had to learn how to fit in. I had to learn how to go out without being afraid. I had to find a purpose and a reason to live.

That all takes a lot of work. It’s scary trying to figure out a new direction. It’s hard to move forward alone. But I had to…because I was given no other choice.

Here’s the thing….I eventually got tired of trying to make sense of the senseless.

So I started working on new things…like new dreams…and I gave myself space and grace if some things worked out and some things didn’t. It was a long road…with lots of potholes…but I just kept going.

Grief is work. It’s ongoing. It doesn’t end at the one year mark, and not the second or third, because grief is a reaction to loss….and it’s personal.

I’ve learned there’s no such thing as closure with the loss of someone you love. One thing I know for certain as I continue to move forward with my life….is that I’ll always miss what I lost.

Grief isn’t about moving on…it’s about moving forward…one small step at a time…and grief isn’t only about mourning your loss…but getting to know yourself as a different person.

Gary Sturgis – “Surviving Grief”