The Blame Game
After someone dies, it may often be your first instinct to go back and take responsibility for the outcome, all you feel you could or should have done differently.
Do you do this? Do you play the ‘blame game?’
Grief has a way of making you feel suddenly and entirely responsible for another person’s life, and I find many grievers fill their every waking thought with regret and guilt.
This next part may only apply to a select group of people…but…(and this is important)…you know who you are.
This isn’t easy to hear, acknowledge, or talk about, yet I know this to be true. It must be acknowledged that there are certain circumstances where the deceased played their own role in the outcome and the way things turned out.
I worry about the potential to be misunderstood…so I want to be very clear. While we never want to ‘blame’ anyone, especially after they’re gone, why do we find it so much easier to put all of the blame and responsibility on ourselves? In the end…does anyone need to be blamed at all?
Here’s the thing…life is horribly unfair. Terrible things happen to good people.
Some get saddled with mental health issues and addictions that can overpower and destroy even the best efforts and intentions.
Take some time to consider this…instead of playing the blame game…think about what it would feel like to let yourself off the hook, and to let go of some of the guilt…even just a little.
You may spend a lot of time forgiving other people…so why not also forgive yourself.
Gary Sturgis – “Surviving Grief”
Gina’s thoughts on life, death, and in between 