I am a member of a couple of pages for widows on Facebook. I read people’s post and occasionally respond. This post resonates with me. I’m sharing with permission with personal info redacted. I want to say how grateful I am for my friends who have stayed by my side for the past almost 3 years. Thank from the depths of my soul!
From the member of the group:
I am a widow, first in my group of friends. I have learned a few things that I think will be helpful to who ever in my group (or anyone for that matter) is the next to lose a spouse.
Be there for them. We may need a shoulder to cry on, or a sympathetic ear for listening. We may just need you there.
Phone or text them every so often and ask how they are doing. If they want to talk about their spouse, let them, that’s okay. If they don’t, that’s okay, too.
After a while, ask them to go out – breakfast, lunch, dinner, or just for coffee. They may refuse you eleven times, but keep asking. They may say yes on the twelfth try.
Don’t forget the late spouse’s birthday, or their anniversary. Say something like, “I will be thinking of you today and wishing you sweet and comforting memories”. This is comforting as it let’s us know our spouse is not forgotten by our friends.
Ask them if they would like help with anything when they are ready, like cleaning or gathering clothes. Ask another friend to join in. Bring snacks, wine. Or have coffee and cake. And a lot of tissues.
When they are again ready, get together every once in awhile with them and other friends for a night of watching a movie, or sitting in a park-like setting enjoying each other’s company.
Please, don’t forget them. When “we” turns into just “me”, it can get very lonely. I grieve, yes, but not just the loss of a spouse. I grieve the loss of our future together. I grieve for things that might have been.
But having friends and/or family near and in contact with us means we are still alive. We need each other to rise up.
Gina’s thoughts on life, death, and in between 