I feel sure I’ve used this title on the blog before. But I want to share a picture that we have hanging in our home.

When I was a young adult It’s a Wonderful Life was one of my favorite Christmas movies. One summer we visited the Roedigers in Austin. As usual, they made sure every day was jammed packed with adventures and good times. We went tubing in a little town called San Marcos. While there we found the movie poster. We brought it home and had it professionally framed. I’ve always loved it. I think Richard’s mom Betty thought it was tacky but we still loved it 😂😂😂. It has moved with us each time we have moved and still hangs on my wall.

It’s a great reminder that each of us make a difference in our own way. As you go through the weekend, my challenge to you is to intentionally make a positive impact on someone. Be a George Bailey! Feel free to share what you did here in the comments.

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Your Spouse Died – The Relationship Didn’t

You wake up every morning and you’re still shocked with the realization that they’re no longer beside you. Your friends and family hope your grief will go away…but you dread the day it does.

It‘s your grief that reminds you they existed.

While you’re still shocked by their absence…you can still hold onto their presence. They’re still alive to you. Their voice still rings in your ears…and you can still see their face so clearly.

In your heart and mind….you’re still a “we”.

You say, “If you’re out there…send me a sign.” You look for birds, butterflies, feathers, pennies, dragon flies…..anything to know they still exist.

You’re a person with a dead spouse. They’re not “lost” and they haven’t “passed”…they’re absent…but not erased.

Here’s the thing…..your spouse died….but your relationship outlives them.

You were dependent on them….and when they died….that dependence forced you to be independent. You’re learning to carve a way forward in the new world. But this independence has always been, and still is, indelibly connected to their love….being there for you to depend on when needed.

Their love remains a secure base from which you can confidently head back out into the world.

The shape of your love holds firm, and you continue to be fortified by it, turning to it for comfort and encouragement as you bear your grief and navigate life.

It’s that love…and that relationship…that continues….and on which you can rely.

Gary Sturgis – “Surviving Grief”

When I was growing up, my family didn’t make a big deal out of birthdays. When Richard and I started dating, I loved that his family made sure that birthdays were celebrated in a big way. We always celebrate our birthdays. We have dinner, cake, ice cream, and presents. I love all of our birthday memories.

This past April was Richard’s first birthday since his death. We spent the weekend together in Knoxville, shared stories, and made sure his day was celebrated.

We don’t remember the presents, the cakes, the decorations, etc. What we do remember is our time together; that we took time to celebrate the birth of our loved one!

Our song is Can’t Fight This Feeling by REO Speedwagon. It was so fitting early in our relationship and still is. I love the words “And even as I wander, I’m keeping you in sight. You’re a candle on the window on a long dark winter’s night.”

THE TRAIN:
At birth we boarded the train and met our parents, and we believe they will always travel by our side. As time goes by, other people will board the train; and they will be significant i.e. our siblings, friends, children, strangers and even the love of your life. However, at some station our parents will step down from the train, leaving us on this journey alone. Others will step down over time and leave a permanent vacuum. Some, however, will go so unnoticed that we don’t realize they vacated their seats. This train ride will be full of joy, sorrow, fantasy, expectations, hellos, goodbyes, and farewells. Success consists of having a good relationship with all passengers requiring that we give the best of ourselves.
The mystery to everyone is: We do not know at which station we ourselves will step down. So, we must live in the best way, love, forgive, and offer the best of who we are. It is important to do this because when the time comes for us to step down and leave our seat empty we should leave behind beautiful memories for those who will continue to travel on the train of life.
I wish you a joyful journey for the coming years on your train of life. Reap success, give lots of love and be happy. More importantly, thank God for the journey!
Lastly, I want to thank you for being one of the passengers on my train! ❤️

Richard loved riding his ATV. In October of 2019 we traded in his older 4 wheeler for 2020 Honda Rubicon. I am so glad he got to take multiple trips on his new ATV. In July of 2020, he and his friend Ronnie took a cross country trip to ride. He had so much fun and I’m grateful he was able to go. I hope there are ATV trails in heaven.

It is so strange that Richard and I never met growing up. We went to different schools but had many of the same friends. We even figured out that we worked at the same Wendy’s together for a very short time (I think we both only worked there a few weeks).

My friends Linda and Julie had a double date with these two guys cooking dinner for them. They insisted that I come with them. I did not want to go and basically complained the whole time I was there (not my best moment 😂). In the middle of dinner Richard and a friend dropped by. Now here’s the funny part and if you know Richard you will appreciate the humor. Because I was complaining, he made a X sign with his finger and pointed it at me while making a hissing sound. So basically he hexed me 🤣. I laughed out loud.

I guess he liked my salty personality because from that point on, he decided that I was going to be his girlfriend. I came around after awhile.

I’m so glad my friends insisted I come that night. I’m so thankful Richard was so persistent in pursuing me. I can’t imagine what my life would be like if this funny and cute guy had not come into my life.

Richard loved wearing ties. Each year we would go to a tie sale in Nashville and he would buy 7-8 new ties. He had an electronic rack where he kept them. You push a button and it rotated so you could see each tie.

As a teacher and school leader, he would wear a tie almost everyday. He always looked handsome and professional.

As I was packing some of his things away, I kept his ties out. I plan to have some things made from them for the girls and me.

As I look at the pictures the song “Sharp Dressed Man.”

My friend Kim shared this on her Facebook page. It is so true!

“The secret of change is to focus all your energy… not on fighting the old, but on building the new.”
~ Socrates