January 2020 Anna was living In Chattanooga and we decided to take a quick family trip before school, work, and life got too hectic again (boy were we in for a surprise for the rest of 2020).

We rented a pet friendly Airbnb, packed our pets and headed out. We spent time exploring downtown Chattanooga, visited the Aquarium, went to Rock City, ate lots of great food, and enjoyed spending time together as a family.

I’m so thankful for the spur of these moment family excursions. Our time together and the memories we created are priceless!

On this date – 5 years ago we went to Tuscaloosa to watch softball and be tourists. When we got to town we found out the hotel had given our room to people evacuating Florida because of a hurricane. They put us in a conference room with mattresses and pillows to sleep for a few hours.

Once rested we were able to get a room and enjoy our weekend. If you know Richard, you know he loves softball, Alabama sports, and his girls, do you know he was on cloud nine.

When these memories (especially with photos) pop up on Facebook, I’m so thankful. It really is the time we spend together making memories and not the “stuff we accumulate” that matters when all is said and done.

I have found journaling and writing letters to be extremely healing,

https://www.evrmemories.com/writing-letters-as-a-form-of-grieving/

/////////////////////////////////

www.facebook.com/114589323269297/posts/698786764849547/

Living with a Broken Heart

Remember what the Tin Man said in the “Wizard of Oz” after he finally got a heart….

“Now I know I’ve got a heart because it’s breaking.”

If someone you love died, your heart is probably broken. So how do you live with a broken heart? The answer isn’t how you fix it or move beyond it. The skill is learning to live with your grief as an ongoing way of being in the world. It’s the way you honor that which you love.

What I’m proposing is that, with enough healing, living with heartbreak can become natural, and very normal.

From my personal and professional experience, I can tell you that as you embark on your healing journey, you’ll start crying a whole lot more. Not just to clear pain, but for the simplest of everyday reasons, and out of nowhere. You’ll cry when you see a bird, a can of paint, an apple, or even the shape of a cloud.

Random things will make you cry.

The heart is designed to grieve, it wants to grieve…..it has to grieve!

Especially when it’s broken.

This is the price you pay for love. The loss of the life you thought you had, the life you once knew and held so dear. Loss of a dream you believed was true.

But you can also find and feel grief in opening your heart. Opening it to love and to new possibilities. Opening it to what the future holds.

Isn’t that what life is all about? Endings and beginnings, closings and openings? The heart was designed to navigate you through this forever winding adventure called life. But you have to be willing to feel…..and to live with a broken heart.

Here’s the thing…..you can learn to live with your broken heart by befriending your grief.

You can discover the love that still exists around you…..and share that love with others who are also living with a broken heart.

Gary Sturgis – “Surviving Grief”

www.facebook.com/1485264973/posts/10226984424064971/

I go at least once a week. Richard’s stone has not been placed due to a shortage of granite. I’ve been told it should be there within the next several weeks. I will be glad when that happens.

**********************************

“A MOURNING MOMENT”

How often should a person visit a gravesite? That question has been asked many times. I always have the same answer, “as many times as you want to visit the gravesite… if ever”.

A trip to the cemetery can be a very emotional and difficult time for some people. Seeing the grave, and the headstone, can create a struggle with accepting the reality of a death. Going to a cemetery should be an individual choice, and never anything forced upon a person.

Some are comfortable visiting the gravesite on a regular basis, everyone is different. Some have no plans or intentions of ever going there again. Either way is OK, whatever is right for each person.

Some use the occasion to honor the memory of a loved one by placing flowers on the grave. Others place small sculptures or decorations that are linked to memories. Flags are often placed upon the grave of a Veteran to honor service to their country.

It can be very healthy to visit a grave and express any words that need to be said. Verbalizing feelings can give relief and soften the pain for some. It is not that our deceased loved ones need to hear our words…it is that we need to put voice to them. An important part of healthy grief is to identify what needs to be said, speak it, express it, vent and release it. It may be that a visit to the grave is the outlet needed to encourage mourning.

Visit the grave as many times as you want to…if ever.

Bob Willis, author/sculptor

“A Guide for Grievers”

“JESUS: The CRUCIFIED CAREGIVER”

Email Bob at rwillis14@cox.net

We love Christmas at 1225 K Drive. We love decorating (although we’ve toned it down because we don’t like taking it all down 😂). Some of our favorite traditions include:

Festivities with friends – we have had Christmas gatherings including dirty Santa gifts and belly laughs with the Yayas and families for years.

Christmas pajamas – we open our pajamas on Christmas Eve. At first we got the girls pajamas then eventually we started getting ourselves pajamas as well. Shopping for pajamas is one of my favorite things.

Stockings – Betty needlepointed the girls stockings so these are priceless to us. We all add goodies to the stockings throughout December. It’s so much fun to find perfect gifts for each other.

Christmas lights – after dinner on Christmas Eve, we go to the fairgrounds, Chad’s Christmas village, and ride around to look at the lights. As you can see by some of the pictures, in years past, we loved bringing our fur girls along too.

Christmas Eve Service – we love going to the midnight service at Lebanon FUMC. It’s always a challenge to stay awake but we’ll worth it.

Gifts – we definitely went overboard with gifts over the years. A few years ago, we all decided that we would give four gifts (this doesn’t count stocking stuffers): something you want, something you need, something to wear, something to read. We have really enjoyed gift giving more since we started this tradition.

Christmas breakfast – when Layla was little, Betty and Felix liked to come see what Santa brought her. We would throw together coffee and treats. After a few years, we began cooking a wonderful Christmas breakfast. Richard would build a fire. The Smallwoods loved this tradition of seeing what gifts the girls received and enjoying a leisurely breakfast. We were so thrilled to have them over.

Last year was our first Christmas after Richard’s death. Of course it was hard. We didn’t decorate much. Christmas Eve service was online due to covid. But we still spent Christmas Eve together. We wore our Christmas pajamas and followed many traditions. We made pizzas. We laughed and cried. We made sure Richard was included. While it was different, we still found reasons to be joyful.

I plan to enjoy many of our same traditions this year while creating new traditions this Christmas. I’m thankful for past Christmas memories and look forward to creating new ones.

Richard loves everything about being a Dad to our girls. He was so proud of them from day one! I went through my phone and found a few pictures of the three of them.

In the Spring of 2020 I decided I would like to have some raised beds to plant flowers and a few veggies. This was at the beginning of the pandemic and finding wood was difficult. Richard was persistent and found all of the supplies and built them. He worked so hard (I was his helper) and they turned out great. I was so appreciative but had no idea how I would come to treasure not only these planters but the time we spent together building them and planting in them. I look forward to many years of planting beautiful flowers in each of them.

Anna chose attending the Renaissance Festival in Triune for her birthday a couple of times. We had so much fun eating, drinking, axe throwing, and being together as a family. If you get a chance to take part in a fun day like this, I suggest you do it. Be sure to take lots of pictures because they will be priceless to you later.

I’m going to let our pictures tell the story of these two days.