Ringing in the new century with the Smallwood family.

We had the most amazing party at the turn of the century. We have hosted great parties prior to this party and since, but none have lived up to this one. We danced, we shot fireworks, we had confetti (which led to a confetti ban in my house 😂). The next day pictures on the wall were crooked and some had fallen off walls 😮.

Some of our friends who attended were fairly new friends at the time, while some had been friends for a good while. We all had young children (a few of us had babies). I can’t think of a better way to ring in a new millennia than with friends who become family.

Since this party, our children have grown up and new babies have been born. Richard and our friend Don Franklin earned their wings. We have new “framily” because some of our kids have significant others. Life has marched on and we carry our wonderful, fun memories with us.

Every day can’t be epic like this. But we can enjoy our people, be present, and make new memories.

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“A MOURNING MOMENT”

We grieve change. Read those words again: WE…GRIEVE…CHANGE. Grief is not just an event. It is a series of losses blended together that unloads unbearable and indescribable amounts of pain upon mind, body, and spirit.

Grief can be ugly. It can paralyze the strongest person, it can melt the hardest heart into a pool of emotions. Grief is fluid, it flows. It can be a calm wave, or a devastating storm that beats upon a torn heart.

We grieve the change in our normal schedule, our routines change, priorities change, the future changes, dreams are changed, hope and faith change, desire and motivation changes, everything changes. Grief changes us, and we will never be the same.

But grief must not change our direction. Since birth we have always moved forward in life. There is always excitement when toddlers begin to walk, and they are urged to walk FORWARD. That direction cannot change because of grief. We cannot go backward, and we cannot remain the same.

Move forward slowly, inch by inch, step by step. We must trust others to guide and support us in this journey through unfamiliar territory.

Go through the motions even when you do not feel like it, take the first steps, do not give up. Grief is the hardest thing you have ever done in your life.

* keep names and memories alive by sharing them.

* do not rush! Go your own pace, it is different for everyone.

* we only complete our grief journey when we complete our life…and mourning softens the pathway during this journey.

* intentionally surround yourself with supportive people.

Bob Willis, author/sculptor

We were married for close to nine years when we had Layla. Like many parents, we were thrilled to grow our family. Anyone who knows Richard, knows how much he loves being a Dad. He was a “hands-on” Dad from Day 1.

Richard loved taking her places, being with her, and just being her Dad. One of Layla’s favorite things was riding on his shoulders. She would say, “Daddy, put me on your high seat.” He would always do it.

No little girl has ever been as adored by her Dad and Mom as Layla Jayne.

Of course you know that a few years later Anna came along. She completed our family and we adore her so much. I will write more about that another day.

Richard’s death has been devastating to all of us. But it is such a blessing to have so many wonderful memories; to think about the life and family we created. Our friend, Linda Crutcher, called me one day and told me Richard always talked about his girls with such love and pride. She went on to say that every little girl should be as lucky as our girls to be so loved and adored by their Dad!

For several years our friends Laurie and Craig Offutt and their kids vacationed with us. We would spend days on the beach, eat tons of delicious fresh seafood, and enjoy the magical atmosphere of being at Oceania condos. At night we would play games – usually Phase 10. Richard and Craig would cheat like crazy and Laurie would never notice. The funniest part of each game was Richard’s rule of skipping Laurie. No matter how the game was going, who was winning or losing, Richard’s rule was that if he got a Skip card, he had to skip Laurie. No matter how many times he skipped her, it never got any less funny. I can’t find pictures of these nights but I know they exist somewhere. I’ve learned over the last year, that it is not what we own, how much money we have, what our titles our, but our memories of love, laughter, and great times with our loved ones that are most precious.

If you get a chance to be with friends and family, turn off the electronic devices, get out a game and laugh until your stomach hurts – go for it!

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Richard wrote this for a class assignment. I have kept it and carried it from work place to work place on an Apple clipboard. I brought it home after my last job move to preserve it. I now keep it on my desk in my home office.

Richard always told people that I “saved him.” The thing is – we saved each other. We grew up together and created – not a perfect life, but a really good life.

I’m proud of Richard and all that he accomplished in his short life on earth. His impact as teacher, school leader, coach, and friend is far-reaching. He is a true family man – loving “his girls” and his Gigi.

Richard, you wrote “friend for life.” I am going to add “and beyond.”

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THAT’S FRIENDSHIP

Be there for the messy parts of someone’s life.

Don’t be afraid of the ugly

Hold someone’s hand when no one else can,

Or will.

Pull them to stand.

Be there for the dark moments and then enjoy the light together.

Don’t take a seat at a celebratory table, if you you won’t be there to collect the shattered pieces when that same world falls apart.

That’s friendship.

It’s easy to get an invite to someone’s pretty, someone’s celebration, but if you get invited to someone’s raw and real.

Show up,

you have been blessed.

Donna Ashworth

Image: Tarn Ellis

From the book ‘To The Women’ on amazon:

UK: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B08BDWY9CP/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_

US: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08BDWY9CP/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_MykfFbHGYY6E7

#FRIENDSHIP

Back in 1985, we knew we were going to get married. We also knew there would not be a lot of hoopla and fanfare around our wedding. We were pretty poor but super happy. One morning we were listening to the radio – KDF/103 when they announced the 10th caller would win 103 dollars plus a chance to win an Iroc Z. The song was Boys of Summer. So we called in and you guessed it, we won the money and a potential key to start the car.

On the day of the contest, we picked up our money and our key. None of you saw us driving around town in a black and gold Camaro, so you already know the key didn’t start the car.

But here’s the rest of the story. On our way home from Nashville, we stopped at Service Merchandise (blast from the past) and used the 103 dollars to buy our wedding rings. We were giddy with excitement and felt like we had won a lottery!

To this day, this is one of our favorite stories. If you ever run across a Service Merchandise catalog or ad, see an Iroc Z, or hear Boys of Summer, I hope you will remember the story of our 103 dollar “windfall” and smile.