A few years ago we took a family trip to Universal Studios in Orlando. We had the time of our lives! We are all huge Harry Potter fans so we were ecstatic to ride every HP themed ride, see all of the exhibits, and try drinks and food (especially butter beer).

We have had family vacations since this one but never got the chance to visit Universal again. We always planned to return and even had a family group message called “Universal Round 2.”

I’m hoping we can return soon.

I’m including some pictures of our trip.

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Me: Hey God.

God: Hey John.

Me: When will I ever get over grieving the death of someone that I love?

God: Never. Grief doesn’t end. It doesn’t come and go like a summer storm. It’s in the air around you. Grief is permanent. That feeling of loss doesn’t have a deadline – it’s a wound that becomes the aching scar. After somebody that you love dies it feels as if you have lost a limb. Even years later there can be phantom pains that can send you to your knees. As long as you alive on Earth, grief will be with you in one form or another.

Me: That’s terrible. I’d like to move on. It’s been years.

God: There is no moving on. There is no “getting over” the death of a beloved. Why would you want to?

Me: So that I can stop having these unexpected pangs of sadness hit me out of the blue.

God: That’s actually a wonderful thing. It means that you have loved somebody so much that their absence in your life is still so felt deeply. There is no more profound human experience than to grieve. It means that you have given a piece if your heart to someone else.

Me: But when that person passes away that piece goes with them.

God: That’s the debt you must pay for taking the risk to love somebody else. You are sending your heart to heaven one little bit at a time. You are joining eternity through piecemeal. That part of your love for them has moved on with that person when they die – but it’s not gone forever! When you join those that you have lost in the great beyond someday you get back and all the pieces that went ahead of you. Eventually, your heart will be whole again. I promise.

Me: It’s so hard when I can have an unexpected sudden wave of emotion pass over me. It can be triggered by something so little. A particular scent, a song on the radio, or a random memory popping up in my head. I have no warning when I am overcome with grief.

God: That is the way grief works. Like I told you – grief never leaves you. As long as you keep the memory of your loved one in your heart that grief will be always lurking. I’m glad that you used the word “wave” earlier. That is exactly how grief can work. Grief is a tide. Somedays the tide is high. Somedays the tide is low. Either way it’s always there on your shore.

Me: If that’s true – how do you expect me to function?

God: Because you owe it to the ones that you have lost to live life to it’s fullest. You can honor their lives by living yours with wild abandon. If you were to die today you wouldn’t want those who love you to give up and quit, right? You would want your survivors to keep on keeping on, right?

Me: Right.

God: Good. Look, grief doesn’t always mean being sad. Grief can arrive equally in laughter and anger – it is more than just a single emotional response. To lament the loss of someone means celebrating their life by cherishing and clinging those memories with them like prized treasures. Grief doesn’t require you to cry. The only requirement that grief has for you is to not close the door on your love for those who have passed away. Keep their memory alive.

Me: This would all be easier for us to understand if you didn’t allow death in the first place. You put amazing people in my life and then You take them away. Just like that they are gone.

God: Just because your beloved has died, it doesn’t mean that they are gone. They are waiting for you across the veil. Love doesn’t go away when the body fail. Love is everlasting. Shared love is immortal. Your grief is a temple in your heart that honors that love. The way of life is to love and be loved so deeply that someday people will profoundly grieve your passing.

Me: Death is so scary. I’m terrified of the end.

God: John Boy – death is just the beginning.

Me: Of what?

God: Your adventures.

~ john roedel (johnroedel.com)

We had so many great times and made wonderful memories on our boat. Richard loved being The Captain! I am posting some pictures to share a few happy moments.

Reader, leave the laundry, be spontaneous, spend time with family and friends. Take pictures! Seize the Day!

Today I went to MTSU to work with a group of teachers on preparing for Invention Convention.

When I pulled out of the parking lot to leave, I realized I was driving by family housing. I pulled over and took pictures. Our apartment was B17. I’m sure we could almost fit the apartment into our living room. We loved living there!

Richard and I moved to family housing when I returned to college to earn a teaching degree. We made so many wonderful memories there! We met two couples (we shared a breezeway with them) who we are still friends with – Tim and Sara Roediger and David and Debbie Young.

We’ve always held fond memories of our time at apt B17. But now those memories are more precious. I’ve passed these apartments many times since we moved all those years ago, but never felt inclined to stop; to soak in the memories, to take photos. I don’t take any of our memories for granted now.

It was a wonderful walk down memory lane to stop and visit the past.

Today is the one year anniversary of the first day of the last month of Richard’s life on earth.

I am going to post a happy memory of our lives together every day for the next 30 days.

It has been 11 months since we heard your voice. While we miss your physical presence, we remember you each day! You are and always will be a huge part of our lives and I thank God everyday for the life we built together. I’m thankful for the memories and so grateful that you picked me all those years ago to be your girl! You still make us laugh and we carry you with us as we make new memories.

Death is Nothing At All – Henry Scott-Holland

Death is nothing at all.
It does not count.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
Nothing has happened.

Everything remains exactly as it was.
I am I, and you are you,
and the old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged.
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.

Call me by the old familiar name.
Speak of me in the easy way which you always used.
Put no difference into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without an effort, without the ghost of a shadow upon it.

Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same as it ever was.
There is absolute and unbroken continuity.
What is this death but a negligible accident?

Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you, for an interval,
somewhere very near,
just round the corner.

All is well.
Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost.
One brief moment and all will be as it was before.
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!

Source: https://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/death-is-nothing-at-all-by-henry-scott-holland

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“In the Lakota/Sioux tradition, a person who is grieving is considered most waken, most holy.

There’s a sense that when someone is struck by the sudden lightning of loss, he or she stands on the threshold of the spirit world. The prayers of those who grieve are considered especially strong, and it is proper to ask them for their help.

You might recall what it’s like to be with someone who has grieved deeply. The person has no layer of protection, nothing left to defend. The mystery is looking out through that person’s eyes. For the time being, he or she has accepted the reality of loss and has stopped clinging to the past or grasping at the future. In the groundless openness of sorrow, there is a wholeness of presence and a deep natural wisdom.”

― Tara Brach

Before Christmas last year, I participated in an online group that focused on preparing for the holidays. We were encouraged to create a plan for the upcoming days; a plan that would honor and include our deceased loved one. That was our first Christmas without Richard’s physical presence. We chose to create a few new traditions (we made homemade pizzas), honor long held traditions (Christmas Eve service – although it was online due to Covid), and to enjoy each other’s company while finding ways to include him.

We are coming up on one year since Richard’s death (October 17) so we’ve been through most of the “first” birthdays, holidays, etc.

I’ve tried my best to incorporate what I learned in my group including being intentional in creating a plan for each special or important day. This has alleviated some of the anticipatory dread and has definitely made each of these days less sad and even joyful.

I have also chosen to say no to lots of situations or invites. If something didn’t feel right or I thought it would make me sad or feel worse, I said no. I have found it to be important to follow my gut and to understand that it is okay to set boundaries.

We will be taking our first family beach vacation without him soon. I’m struggling a little bit with preparing my mind for this one. But I know he would want us to carry on with our family traditions, while at the same time creating new traditions and memories. We will share memories/funny stories of when he was physically there with us. We will make new memories. One of the paradoxes of grief and life is that it isn’t all or nothing. Emotions such as joy and sadness can exist together/side by side.

Readers, as you approach the upcoming months with various holidays and/or other meaningful dates, I hope you will look for and find peace and bits of joy, love, and light. I hope you will find ways to include your loved one(s) and most of all that you will give yourself grace and love while maneuvering through these days.