Love Came First
Ordinary Love
ORDINARY LOVE
Some people love in grandness
displaying that bright love
like a fountain of fiery romance
to rain flowers forevermore
upon the apple of their eye
telling the world
this love is extraordinary.
And because this love
is so visibly majestic to behold
it is revered and desired
by those without it.
But some people love
in ordinary
diligently and consistently
drip-feeding their love
in nurture form
often unseen or unnoticed
rarely celebrated
always reliable.
And because this love is so humble
it can be brushed away as unimportant
yet without it
worlds would crumble
lives would fall apart
and souls would be forever-seeking
their flamboyant mate
whilst passing by their very cornerstone
right under the nose.
I guess what I am trying to say is
there is no such thing as ordinary love
it is all quite amazingly
profoundly
extraordinary
whether it shouts from the rooftops
or whispers in the holding of a hand.
You just have
to see it
to make it
the wondrous entity
you seek.
Donna Ashworth
From ‘LOVE’: https://amzn.eu/d/1ci8D1N
Art by Des Brophy Art
#lovepoetry #art #lovequotes #lovegoals #valentines #lovepoem
What does healing look like?
From Tom Zuba’s book Becoming Radiant:
This is an excerpt from Chapter 3.
When we actively grieve, we heal
I have written about this topic before. But I think it is worth revisiting. Our society does not like to be witness to grief for very long. The prevailing thought is it should be wrapped up in a couple of days. Something like: funeral with a short visitation, a couple of days of bereavement, then time to get back at it. If we continue to actively and openly grieve, a lot of people become uncomfortable.
I encourage you, especially if your loved one’s death is recent or if you never gave yourself permission to mourn, to take some time to do just that. When you do, your heart heals a bit and you can rejoin life a bit. It doesn’t happen all at once. David Kessler states that we will love, miss, and grieve our person as long as they are dead and we are still here. I believe that to be true. But I also think when we actively and intentionally honor our grieve around our person or people’s death that our hearts and souls begin to mend.
Remove Guilt From Laughter
Remove guilt from your laughter.
Laughing is like eating, sleeping, walking; it is part of your humanity.
Part of what keeps you alive.
If you feel guilty when you are laughing after your loss please know that you shouldn’t. I personally know that the person you lost wants you to laugh. They want you to laugh so loudly that they can hear you from wherever they are. So give them what they want. Please.
Laugh and be present and know they can hear you.
And know that they are laughing with you.
Grief does not go away because you laughed out loud. I wish it did.
But what does happen is so extraordinary.
Life hears you laugh and comes closer.
Life takes your laughter and brings you joy in your life.
It is a signal for life to get more intimate with you.
It is a step towards living again.
Don’t let your laughter be forgotten.
– Christina Rasmussen
#secondfirsts #grief #loss #lifeafterloss
Don’t Give Up
Please don’t give up. I know you’re hurting. I know it’s hard. But please, don’t check out. Not yet.
Yes, I realize you have every reason to quit. Yes, I know you’d be totally justified in giving up. Your child has stage-four cancer. Your son was murdered in a home invasion. Your daughter died in a car accident on Interstate 65.
Your dad is dying of liver failure. Your girlfriend broke up with you because you’re both, quote, “going different directions.”
Your wife was diagnosed with glioblastoma. Your mother has pulmonary fibrosis. Your child is going blind. You have an auto-immune disease the doctors can’t figure out. You are a caregiver for your parents/sibling/spouse/family member.
Your foster child hates you. You are on a waiting list for a kidney. You are filing bankruptcy. You are in federal prison.
You are an addict in recovery; each day is an obstacle. Your teenage daughter is pregnant. Your dad has ALS. Your husband of 21 years decided he wanted a 23-year-old girl.
You are contemplating ending your own life; you even bought a handgun last week.
The circumstances don’t matter. What matters is that you’re a mess right now. A real mess. You don’t know where life is going. All you know is that you’re experiencing hard times.
Every day, life gets a little harder. Each morning, you awake waiting for life to reset itself, but it never does. And it’s so frustrating. Because this isn’t how it’s supposed to be, dammit.
What’s going on here? Why is everything so hard?
When you were a kid, nothing bad ever lasted. Suffering was always brief. You fell down and got a boo-boo, and after 48 hours, the boo-boo was healed. No big deal.
But these days nothing bad ever goes away quickly. Hard times just linger outside your front door. Bad things keep coming, like artillery from a celestial machine gun.
Your prayers remain unanswered, as though you’ve been praying to a block of steel.
After a while, you’ve grown disillusioned. You have started to believe the universe is merciless. If there is a God, He certainly doesn’t care about you. Ergo, God must be a lie. A stage farce. And anyone believing in God is, therefore, a freaking moron.
But you are wrong.
Listen, I am nobody. I have no accreditations. I am Joe Six-Pack from Alabama. I have no education. No pedigree. I drive a 23-year-old truck. I have no insight. I have no wisdom. I have no agenda. I am a man with one back surgery under his belt and an impressively crappy health insurance policy.
Moreover, I am not a big church guy. In fact, I rarely go to church unless someone’s getting married. I drink cheap beer. I play music in bars. I am a high-school dropout. I am no authority.
But I know one thing.
There is Something Up There. And this Something cares about you. This Great Being cares so much about you that He has been trying to get through to you.
In fact, He has been trying so hard to reach you that He has resorted to using the words of a horse’s ass (me).
This Great Something doesn’t care who you are, or what you believe, or who you vote for, or what lifestyle you lead, or how many tattoos you have. This Being is your Divine Parent, and parents love their kids no matter what.
Parents don’t care what kind of names you attach to them. Greek names, Jewish names, Latin names, European names, or American names. None of this matters. What matters is that you are loved. You will probably never know how loved you are.
But, oh. You are incredibly loved. You don’t know how important your life is.
You were designed by the creator of the solar system, the architect of Earth, the engineer of the Grand Canyon, the brains behind the Redwood Forest, the Great Plains, the Appalachians, Manhattan Island, and disco. You are His pride and joy.
No, I don’t know why you are suffering. I don’t know why hard times keep coming. I don’t know when the pain will end. But I know one thing: You will get through this.
This is not the end. Whatever is happening to you is happening for a reason. Someday, you’ll see. I swear.
But for now, please hold on. Please keep trying. Please keep praying. Please keep believing. And please, please, whatever you do…
Don’t give up.
As the Fog Lifts
If you have read my posts, you know I fervently believe that in order to heal our hearts after the death of someone we love, we must give ourselves permission to mourn. I am so thankful that I have done this and I know I will mourn Richard’s death as long as I live. However, I don’t want his death to be the focus of who he is and who I am.
Here I am 2 years and 3 months later and the fog has gradually lifted. Don’t get me wrong. I have moments and even days of full blown sadness, but time and intentionality has softened the pain.
I have written many times about joy and sadness coexisting. This is an important concept that I embraced very early in my grief journey. I also strive to surround myself with people who are comfortable talking about Richard – sharing stories about him, saying his name without feeling bad. It brings me so much joy when my friends and family talk about him with love and laughter.
So this brings me to the purpose of today’s post: sharing some joyful celebrations/moments from January 2023. If you are dealing with death, loss, sadness, etc., honor those feelings but don’t forget to create and look for joy.
💞
Where exactly was God?
*Please read two responses below the first part of this post. I removed the names of the original posters.
WHERE EXACTLY WAS GOD?
When someone you love
dearly
dies
no matter the relationship
the age of your beloved
or the manner of death
very often
in order to create peace for yourself
you question everything.
Everything.
And one of the
most important questions is
“Where exactly WAS God
as my beloved was dying?”
Where exactly was God?
As I said
the manner of death is not important.
A stillbirth.
A long (or short) journey with cancer.
Some type of an accident.
A heart condition.
A long history of substance abuse
followed by an overdose – accidental or on purpose.
Death by suicide.
A car accident.
An unimaginable murder.
A fatal disease.
And on and on and on.
The question is
“Where was your version of God”
in the seconds
minutes
hours
days
weeks
months
years
or even decades leading up to your beloved’s passing?
Did the God you believe in move closer in
or did your God move away?
Did God abandon your beloved?
Or was your God smack in the center of all of it?
Always?
What have you decided to believe?
And do your beliefs create
peace or pain?
There is a new way to look at all of it.
A way that creates peace.
Where do you believe God was
at the time of your beloved’s death?
Was your beloved’s death a mistake?
An oversight on God’s behalf?
Too soon?
Where was God?
💛💛💛
If these words resonate
please take a look at my first book
Permission to Mourn
available at Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Permission-Mourn-New-Way-Grief/dp/1600475655/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8
Grief is not a problem to be solved
I read a lot of posts on social media about others suggesting it is time to “get over” or “move on” when someone we love has died. I’m consistently amazed that seemingly well-intentioned friends/family can be so insensitive or ignorant. I try to let the people in my circle (those that I want to remain close with) know how I feel, understand what I need, etc. I feel like this has been helpful to them and to me.
Like the reading above states, grief is not a problem to solve. People grieving don’t need others trying to fix them.
I love the model with the jars. It is accurate of my grief journey. My grief is a huge part of me but I am learning to build a life around it.
If you are new to this journey, I encourage you to give yourself permission to mourn. I also encourage you to allow tiny bits of joy to creep back into your heart. Your heart can contain both simultaneously. I encourage you to look for opportunities to be grateful whenever possible.
If you are supporting someone who is grieving, don’t try to fix them. Don’t tell them how to feel or that they should be moving on. Just be there for them.
Gina’s thoughts on life, death, and in between 