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Year 3 – The Year Of Transition

The first year after a major loss is all about survival.

The second year is all about existing.

The third year is all about living again.

The third year of grief is what I call ‘the year of transition.’ The one really big challenge…is beginning to rebuild your life.

You still have upsurges of sadness, you still miss your loved one, you still yearn for them. The only difference is that these feelings aren’t as prominent as they once were.

You may no longer feel that continuing your life is a betrayal of your love, because you understand that you’ve never had a choice in the matter. You don’t feel like you’re betraying the person you once were, because you’re no longer that person. The new problem is…you also may not have developed yet into the person you’re destined to become. You’re still trying to figure out who that person is…and what that person wants and needs.

Although this transition between your old life and your new life alone seems to be a time of inactivity, you’re still rebuilding your life day by day, becoming who you need to be. You’re also beginning to look beyond this transitional stage to what will come after, which is a sign of life and hope for the future…even if you’re not yet feeling hopeful.

Here’s the thing…the third year is still a time of confusion. It can seem like an impossible task to go from where you are to where you want to be, and creating a life after loss can feel like walking through a minefield.

As time marches forward you may have feelings of guilt…that you could be happy in a life without them.

This is normal…but it can seem so unfair.

It’s a battle between knowing life is short…and feeling guilty for living a full life.

Living in the third year after a loss is remembering that whatever life brings in the future…you’ll always have the time you did with the one you love. The good times and the bad.

Whatever the challenges you have to deal with in the third year…you’ll meet them as you did all the other challenges you’ve faced…with courage, perseverance, and strength.

Gary Sturgis – “Surviving Grief”