I know Richard would want me to be happy. How do I know this? Besides knowing him as well as I do, I also know how I would feel if I had died first.

I would want first and foremost for him to be happy and healthy! Then I would want him to live his best life. Last I would want him to be available, “here” for our girls.

Some days are more difficult than others but each day I seek happiness and joy. I have found journaling all of the things/people that I’m grateful for helps. One of the things I’m most grateful for is the life Richard and I built together over the past almost 40 years. I will strive to continue on a path that honors this.

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May we all have the courage to hit our knees when there’s something, someone, some moment in time that calls us to grieve.

And when that moment comes, may we claim it wholly.

May we come together to mourn and take our time while we’re at it.

May we all go gently, and grieve fully, so we may live more wildly alive, too.

If today feels hard …

If today feels full of grief…

If today feels like more of the same and the same is tough…I see you.

There are a lot of real reasons to feel all of this and more on this planet right now.

Go gently.

Take care of you and your people.

Gather together. Let your grief be known, named, witnessed, and blessed by safe community.

Go as slow as you can while you keep on.

Rest. Ask for help. You don’t have to do this alone.

In solidarity,

Sarah Nannen

#grief #griefsupport #growthmindset #holidays #season #emotional #emotionalintelligence #mentalhealthmatters #communitycare #intersectional #solidarity

www.facebook.com/100040056894814/posts/557681822243709/

From Rachel Pearson:

Don’t ever doubt that I’m around

I’m there when you wake

And when you lie down

We’re still hanging out

While you’re making the treats

I’m riding shotgun!

And my song’s on repeat

I’m making you laugh

And drying your tears

I’m lifting you higher

As you let go of fear

I’m here on your good days

And your hard ones too

Whether you’re crying a river

Or humming our tunes

I’m not missing out!

For my life was complete

I can’t have regrets

I’m living in peace

For I see where I’ve been

The reasons, the whys

I live in forgiveness

With God by my side

I’m surrounded by Love

Far greater than known

I lack for nothing

Heaven is my home

Scratch your head and wonder

It’s okay if you do

But please believe me

It will help you get through

I’m not here nor there!

Not in a place

Nor found on a map

Is this perfect Grace

Heaven surrounds you

Just like the breeze

When you’re calm and still

You discover this Peace

It’s where our souls meet

And our spirits do soar

Then you believe

You’ve been ‘here’ before

And you shall return

To this state you’ll call Home

But you don’t have to wait

Til it’s your time to go

Just quiet your mind

And whisper my name

So I can bring you a visit

With Heaven today

Love,

Rachel and Spirit 💚⭐️♥️

#20daysofchristmasspirit

#day16

www.facebook.com/refugeingrief/photos/a.561218313963945/4634851779933891/

Talking to them is #PerfectlyNormal in grief. Talking to your person – aloud or in your head – carrying on conversations with them, singing to them, greeting them when you come home, saying goodbye when you leave, saying goodnight when you go to sleep – these things and more are all completely normal. ⁣

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The relationship we have with those we’ve lost doesn’t end with their death. Whether you’re sharing some news, recalling a memory, asking for their advice or opinion, expressing frustration that they aren’t here to see this or help with that, or just letting them know that you love them, you miss them, you’re thinking about them – reaching out like this, continuing the conversation is healthy and normal.⁣

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How about you? Do you talk to your person? The more we tell the truth about what grief is really like, the more people realize they’re not alone. ⁣

When I woke up this morning, I was thinking about how the mornings are so dark right now. I know the days are shorter as we approach Winter Solstice. This prompted me to google sunrise and sunset times in my area. Sunrise: 6:53 and Sunset 4:35 – for an official 9 hours and 43 minutes of daylight. Out of curiosity, I decided to read more about Winter Solstice. Throughout history, the Winter Solstice has been viewed as significant by many cultures and as such has been marked by rituals and festivals.

I will admit it – I am a warm weather gal!  I love longer days and when daylight savings time ends, I get a little bit sad.  I remember listening to a sermon in the recent past where the pastor stated that the great thing about Winter Solstice – the shortest day of the year is that each day after that gets incrementally longer.  I found comfort in this fact because I love long, sunny, warm days, but also because I believe it relates to life on a more profound level.

We all experience “dark times” in our lives.  If you haven’t, either you are extremely lucky or you haven’t lived long enough to yet experience these darker times.  But just like with the seasonal changes, the darkness doesn’t last and eventually we begin to see the light working its way back into our lives.  It may only be a glimmer at first but eventually, we will have more light. 

As usual, I find that my daily readings have a theme; some by “coincidence” and some by “design.” Today is not different and today’s theme is “light and darkness.” One of my dearest friends gave me a new journal (that is not dated) for Christmas. Today’s Bible verse is: Arise, shine; for thy light is come and the glory of the Lord is risen upon thee (Isaiah 60:1). Today’s devotional published by my church is titled “The Luminous Darkness” written by Dr. Kelle Brown. The author references the novel Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston. She states that Hurston understood the gift of her life to be immersed in luminous darkness. The passage: “It is so easy to be hopeful in the daytime when you can see the things you wish on. But it was night, it stayed night. Night was striding across nothingness with the whole round world in [God’s] hands . . . They sat in company with the others in other shanties, their eyes straining against cruel walls and their souls asking if [God] meant to measure their puny might against [God’s]. They seemed to be staring at the dark, but their eyes were watching God.”

Today as I light my Christmas candles, turn the Christmas lights on, and light the fireplace, I treasure the glimpses of light while also striving to understand, appreciate, and learn lessons from the darkness. 

– Zora Neale Hurston, Their Eyes Were Watching God

http://lebanonfumc.com/advent-devotions-2021/the-luminous-darkness/

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If you’re fortunate enough to have an incredibly special person in your life…

A husband. A wife. A lover. A romantic partner…

Go hug them, okay?

Tightly.

Because I know life gets busy and most people don’t tend to think that their lives together will ever end in death.

I get it.

But your life together will end in death for one of you.

It’s inevitable, right?

And I cannot begin to describe to you what it feels like to be the one left behind.

There are no words in any of the human languages that accurately and fully describes the depth and breadth of what it means to walk alone in the world.

Oh, I know.

Immediately people say oh, you have to learn to be alone. It’s something inside of you that’s wrong if you don’t want to live without your one person.

Bullshit on that.

It’s the (edited) loneliest feeling in the world to walk down a road…drive along…go to sleep at night….gaze up at the stars…be in a room filled with people…make major decisions…watch life continue on…when you are the one left behind.

Of course I can do life alone.

Anyone can.

But when you’ve been the smile in someone’s eyes…

If you’ve been the reason for that smile…

When your feet felt solidly grounded even as your heart danced each time your eyes met…

All of the big things and small things and in between things in life…

Easier. Better. More beautiful because of your one person.

And that person is dead and gone.

Even though you know the Love your person left behind for you is infused into you…

Even so…

It is the (edited)loneliest feeling in the world,

And your body and mind and heart and soul just knows it, no matter what else is going on around you.

So, anyways, if you’re fortunate enough to have your one person still in your life,

Go hug the hell out of them.

For me. For you. For everyone who doesn’t.

Don’t waste ONE (edited) MOMENT MORE.

#missingmybeloved

I’m not there yet, but I definitely want to live bigger, laugh more, ride with the windows down, sing at the top of my lungs. I bring you along each and every day!

“To honor you, I get up everyday and take a breath, and start another day without you in it.
To honor you, I laugh and love with those who knew your smile, and the way your eyes twinkled with mischief and secret knowledge.
To honor you, I take the time to appreciate everyone I love, I know now there is no guarantee of days or hours spent in their presence.
To honor you, I listen to music you would have liked, and sing at the top of my lungs, with the windows rolled down.
To honor you, I take chances, say what I feel, hold nothing back, risk making a fool of myself, dance every dance.
You were my light, my heart, my gift of love, from the very highest source. So everyday, I vow to make a difference, share a smile, live, laugh and love.

Now I live for us both, so all I do, I do to honor you.”

~ Connie F. Kiefer Byrd ❤️

I remember Tom Z stating early on in my grief journey “time doesn’t heal wounds; it’s what you do with that time.” I have found this to be true. I think grief is hard work – intentionally paying attention to your sadness and hurt is not easy. But ignoring it and not taking caring of ourselves does not lead to healing.

As I was reading this morning, these words struck me as significant and relevant to actively mourning and tending grief: acknowledge, actively mourn, cultivate, effort, sacrifice, accomplishment.

If you are new in your grief journey, I encourage you to take time to tend your grief. Be intentional and give yourself lots of grace. Give yourself permission to mourn.

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Acknowledge the loss, even when it feels awkward.

Because we’re so uncomfortable about grief some people decide to say nothing. It makes us so uncomfortable to be around somebody else’s pain that folks will literally cross the street to avoid feeling awkward.

Saying nothing is a terrible thing to do to your grieving person. It makes them feel like no one cares or remembers. It makes them feel invisible. So not only have they lost their person, they’ve also lost their people. ⁣

How about you? Have you had people refuse to acknowledge your loss or even go out of their way to avoid you entirely?⁣

This video is a clip from the documentary SPEAKING GRIEF, now available to watch at speakinggrief.org. ⁣

Talking about grief important, but it isn’t always easy. Get those conversations started by tagging a friend in the comments who you think would be interested in watching the documentary too.⁣

#SpeakingGrief was produced by @WPSUgrief and is being distributed by APT. It’s still airing on public television stations across the U.S. Visit speakinggrief.org to watch the documentary online.⁣